Ma Vie !

CHAPTER 1

You can call me Silencer. It’s not my real name. It came from a book I wrote as I was 19,  “Silencer On The Field” and also the friends of mine gave me. Paper flap long gone, it had a red hardback cover and book antiqua texture. It was possibly my very first book I wrote. Funny, I can’t recall what is it was about. The only thing I remember is the name – Silencer. I never wished it was mine, and now it is.

CHAPTER 2

Imagine me if you must, as someone you once knew. Someone perhaps you liked or better yet, imagine me as you. As a kid I was top of my class, I studied in the aircraft school. It was not because I liked studying, but because I realized that an education was my best shot at getting out. See, my failure time dropped me in a small world of a town. There wasn’t anything wrong with it. As far as boring towns go, I was sure I left behind. I had friends, but I always felt alone. No one ever left, but I wasn’t gonna die here. As much as I loved him, I didn’t want to be anything like my dad. He seemed so busy on his job. Like the smart men, I also want to make my own history in my life, be an aircraft engineer, or it’s known as an LAE (License Aircraft Engineer). As my dad, consonants were his life. He was a headmaster, and I guess he had never expected me to take over the business he had built. He had said, “Be what you want to be.” I had other plans, no one knows what I really wanna be before – a pilot. There was an old man in front of the mini market, sitting down in a long chair under the tree. He was shocked when I announced I wanted to be a pilot. Never say to anyone, it would put me into the deep hole. But I just realized, it is too late for that. So I changed my options, I wanted to be an aircraft engineer. Even though I cannot fly the airplane, I still can works with it. It is the reason I become an engineer. The sky is always bluest on the space, at least according to me. That’s why I am still on the way of my options and it is my job to catch it. My mom want me to take the electrical course two years ago. In silence, I broke the command. I’m not sure of all the details, except one, she don’t trust me with my abilities. I never blamed her, it was my fault when I was in the school time. I am the one in my families who gave her the very bad resulted.

CHAPTER 3

                I don’t talk to any strangers before, even girls. I never care how do they look, the cute or sexy one, I didn’t because it was my rule. But as long as I lived in the big city, I realized it ain’t give me anything. So I decided to broke my own rule, and I did, it’s broken. Now as you see, I am the friends to anyone. I befriending with anyone over the world. By then, my mind had been opened to a whole new things. Even I knew everyone, I don’t talk too much to them. I only did with my girl, only her. Perhaps to some peoples, what is the story here is, it is so weird, but it’s the truth. I am not the story tellers. When I say something to someone, I’ll told them the truth, it was because I am not story maker. 

I don’t talk to any strangers before, even girls. I never care how do they look, the cute or sexy one, I didn’t because it was my rule. But as long as I lived in the big city, I realized it ain’t give me anything. So I decided to broke my own rule, and I did, it’s broken. Now as you see, I am the friends to anyone. I befriending with anyone over the world. By then, my mind had been opened to a whole new things. Even I knew everyone, I don’t talk too much to them. I only did with my girl, only her. Perhaps to some peoples, what is the story here is, it is so weird, but it’s the truth. I am not the story tellers. When I say something to someone, I’ll told them the truth, it was because I am not story maker.

CHAPTER 4

 I liked to write down everything in here. It was like my childhood, my memories, you know? Every time I read a book, it’s like the author stole a part of me that I thought only I knew. Someday I’m gonna write a book and I’ll do it to somebody else. It is the one kind of strange. Actually I’m not a good one in writing the book but what I can do is, – poetry. Two or three months after I wrote, I thought that was the cool one, because I made by my own. It was just can use only the beautiful words to put in there. But in the book, like this book, I could use anything I want. I already know, as far as I write the book, soon I’ll discover that author is nothing like me. In my dreams, I wish somebody will write a book about me. It’s weird right? That was because I could keep it when I being an old man someday.

CHAPTER 5

                I’ll be honest. I had this girl, her name was Yaya. She’s the only girl I had, I take her for mine. One day Silencer read in his stars that he was gonna fall in love with a woman in purple. So he went out looking all day long and he found one. One months later, they were in relationships. Two months later, he broke up with the woman in purple. There were a secret of reasons that I keep personally. He seemed so distant and sad, at this very moment, still looking for the woman in purple. Figures he just got the wrong one. The next day I traced the reasons why it could happened. In the end of the day, I found it and keep it personally.

CHAPTER 6

                As the book pages turn on and on, I keep writing all night long. The clock keeps turning, showed eleven fifteen on the screen. But Silencer’s eyes was still opened wild, while texting to his girl - Yaya. After nine months they were broke up, they were changed the same status as before. So he told her the stories, about everything happened in the past. Silencer doesn’t know if she believed in him or not, it was all up to her. It was in the words he spoke, when I found out what her name was, maybe it was just a coincidence. I mean, a name is just a name and a number is just a number, isn’t it? I loved her.

CHAPTER 7

                I started having terrible nightmares. It was coming onto me. Night after night I got shot from the someone I knew. It’s going round and around my brain. That dreams made me insane. Like time is gonna kill me, time is a gentleman. Time is just a counting system, numbers with meaning attached to them. It was like the time counting of my life, the bullets is everywhere, waiting it fallen down to blow Silencer’s body. At this point, I don’t need to tell you how terrible when the death come closer to me.

CHAPTER 8

What was driving me insane? Silencer should have realized the truth. He know some people would call him an insane – ‘but please don’t give up with me,’ said him to her girl. It wasn’t the happiest of ending, it wasn’t an ending at all.

CHAPTER 9

Just now, I started feel how hard my course going’s. One of my brothers is an electrical and electronics engineer. He asking me why did I don’t take the course like him took. Perhaps he want me to take over the business he had built, my mom too. What if mom was right? What if I would be a better one in the electrical than aviation? What if I was the guy with nothing and something? Sounds like a lot of what ifs, right? Chapter nine – you can call me Silencer, but my real name is Nik, Nik Hasif Nik Hasbollah. What you have read so far is not the whole things I put. I once read that the only philosophical question that matters to recall back my old time. I guess that makes me a philosopher, or I have to be an engineer? Some choices are easy, some aren’t. Those are the really important ones, the one that define us as people. Six years ago I made the wrong choice, guide me along the wrong path. I need to put it right and not just for my sake. To die there in the street would have been easy, but it wouldn’t have been justice. At least not the justice the fathers teach their sons about. It wasn’t the happiest of endings when I was in that pathway. I was right, Silencer was in danger. I just didn’t realize the danger was me. But now, I changed the pathway from left side to right side, and we can go on living my lives. It’s only a matter of time. Of course the time is a counting system, number with meaning attached to them, isn’t? Someday you’ll be found out what the meaning is.